A Face-to-Face with Mental Health: Insights from High School and College Students

Ling

(Editor's note: Ling is an ACA member who has authored multiple blogs covering events organized by ACA.​ )

August 15th. The first Friday of the school year. 4 PM. CCA High School. Cars lined up in a long queue, slowly exiting the school. Even half an hour after the final bell, the campus was still bustling with students, as if the real action began after school. Stepping into this prestigious San Diego high school, ranked among California’s top three, I immediately sensed a different atmosphere, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

In the library conference room, a workshop was underway. Despite the presentation is in English, 99% of the audience—students and parents—were of Chinese descent. This “Mental Health Face-to-Face” event was organized by Chinese students and parents, sponsored by the Alliance of Chinese Americans (ACA) San Diego, and open to all. Tonight’s special guests included two mental health counselors and three CCA graduates currently attending top universities, all of whom were Asian women.

As the therapists and counselors spoke, PowerPoint slides were displayed on the large screen. About halfway through the two-hour lecture, a male student with short hair and a white T-shirt stood up from the audience and, with a direct and urgent tone, disrupted the formal atmosphere of the workshop.

“I’ve listened to you [referring to the counselors] talk about boundaries for over ten minutes,” he said. “Your allotted time is almost up, but many of us are struggling with mental health issues, and some of us are struggling quite badly. I want to know how we can help them.
One of our classmates is depressed. He doesn’t want to do anything, he doesn’t want to get treatment, and he won’t listen to any advice. I’ve been trying to reach out to him, but he won’t let me. I keep thinking about what else I can do. I ignored his rejection and kept going back to him...”

The student’s words seemed to grip the audience, and a heavy silence fell. The therapist on stage gently replied, “You care about your friend, and everything you’ve done for him is important.” But the student’s response was unexpected. “No, he’s not my friend, or at least he doesn’t think of me as his friend. I just knew what he was going through, and I felt like I should be there for him, to let him know that no matter what happens, he’s still part of us and that everything will be okay. And you know what? After a while, he started to get better! Now he’s back with us again!”

His declaration brought a wave of relief to the audience, but their thoughtful expressions suggested that they were still pondering: Why? What has made the difference? It was a question that no one had a complete answer to, although the student, like everyone else, was eager to know.

Inspired by the student’s sharing, I, who had not originally planned to speak, raised my hand. “Your story is touching,” I said. “Thank you for staying by your classmate’s side when he needed you, even though he seemed to be saying no. You heard his inner cry and chose to be there for him. I’ve heard you mention the word ‘awareness’ many times. It’s so important! It’s awareness that led you to be there for him time and time again, that connected you to his needs; it’s both awareness that awakened and activated his inner strength, ultimately making such a big difference!”

I felt a little apologetic for talking so much, but the topic of mental health was one I couldn't stop once I started. The only two non-Chinese people in the audience, a man I mistakenly thought was the school principal and an Indian-American mother, also spoke up. The man introduced himself as an industry professional from a mental health clinic called Ellie. He strongly agreed with the idea of promoting mental health awareness. 'Just like we seek medical attention when our bodies are sick; he said, our minds can also get sick. Everyone should know how to recognize, understand, and respond to mental health issues, just like they know how to perform CPR; The second half of the lecture involved a Q&A session between the three CCA alumnae and the audience, exploring mental health from various perspectives, including high school, college, family, and life in general.

The three older students appeared to be around the same age as the high school students, but their resumes on the slides were impressive. Just how competitive was CCA? Had these impressive achievements come at a great cost to their mental and physical health? While they were immersed in their experiences, they were unaware of the toll it was taking. Looking back, they realized that CCA's cutthroat culture was quite prominent even on a national scale. As one popular campus saying went, "Did you only sleep for four hours last night? Oh, well, I only got two!" It was a competition to see who could push themselves the hardest. If they could choose again, would they still choose to endure; these four years in the same way? All three alumni said no.

The light of awareness illuminated the burdens they had taken for granted: peer competition and pressure; the expectations of immigrant parents, generational differences, and cultural conflicts; the stigma associated with mental health in the Asian community; and the confusion and uncertainty of adolescent identity. Now, they wanted to bring awareness to others and shed light on the hearts of many. Their reflections were filled with sincerity and wisdom. For example, when asked how parents could best support their adolescent children, they unanimously agreed on understanding, listening, and being present, but not solving problems for them or providing direct solutions.

April, who had graduated from MIT with degrees in physics and mathematics and was now pursuing a Ph.D. at Princeton, made the deepest impression on me. Under the fun facts; section of her self-introduction, there were several striking entries: hobbies – playing video games; clubs – a gaming organization. She candidly admitted that gaming was not only her enjoyment and relaxation but also a part of her identity, a way for her to connect with others and the world, and a resource for cultivating resilience, boundaries, and a balance between her mental and physical health.

When asked for three tips for her younger peers, April said: first, believe that no matter how bad things get, they will pass; second, find connections with others and the world; and third, don't wait until later, start making yourself happy now, because you have the power to choose. "The world is very forgiving. We will eventually reconcile with life." April shared these heartfelt and resolute words with a gentle glow in her eyes as she reflected on the ups and downs of her post-high school journey. "

It takes a village to raise a child”. I recalled this old favorite saying as I slowly pulled my car out of CCA, I realized, it's not just children who need this. Each and every one of us needs a village, a place where we can understand, accept, recognize, and care for one another. A place where we can be understood, accepted, recognized, and cared for in return. A place where we treat each other kindly, grow together, and create together."

《精神健康面对面，一个高中生和三个名校生的分享》

8月15日。开学第一周的周五。下午4点。 CCA高中。

离校的车正排着长队缓缓驶向出口。。。放学半小时了，校园依然毫不冷清，这里那里，三三两两的学生出没着，似乎放学后，各种课外生活才刚开始。 第一次踏入这所圣地亚哥居冠加州前三的高中，我立感气氛和别的学校是有点不一样，虽然说不出具体咋不一样。

图书馆会议室里，一场讲座正在举行。 虽然讲座纯英语，可在场的学生和家长99%是华裔，没错，这场以“精神健康面对面”为主题的讲座，正是由华裔学生和家长策划组织，圣地亚哥华人联盟（ACA）赞助的，当然，活动对所有人都开放。今晚的特邀嘉宾，两位心理和咨询专业辅导，及三位CCA毕业、目前在名校藤校著名就读的校友，也是清一色华裔，女性。

伴随着治疗师和咨询员的讲解，大屏幕上的PP幻灯片有条不紊地放映着，两个小时的讲座快到中场的时候，一个短头发白T恤的男同学，从听众席上，用直白而急切的发言，将中规中矩的讲座撕开了一道口子 -

“我听你们（指专业辅导）用了十多分钟的时间讲边界Boundary如何如何，你们预定的发言时间都快到头了，可是，我们当中遭遇精神困扰的，不少，而且不轻，我很想知道，怎么能帮到他们？我们这的一个同学抑郁了，什么都不想做，不愿治疗，给他的建议都不接受，谁劝也没用。 我一直去找他，一直陪着他，一直在想啊想，我们究竟能做点什么？他不理我，但我还是继续去一直去。。。“

男生的叙述仿佛揪住了听众的心，空气瞬间有些凝结。讲台上的心理治疗师轻轻衔接了一句：”你很关心你的朋友，你为他所做的这一切很重要。” 男生的回应却出人意料：“不，他不是我的朋友，或者说，他并不认为我是他的朋友。 我只是，知道了他的事情，觉得，我应该去到他身边，让他知道，不管发生什么，他依然是我们中的一员，一切都会如常地进行、继续。。。就这样过了一段时间，你猜怎么地？他真的慢慢地好起来了欸！现在，他又回到了我们当中了！

”他回来了！这宣告让在座的都缓缓舒了口气，而凝神屏息的表情仿佛映示着大脑的思考：为什么？做对了什么，带来了转变？这显然是没人知道全部答案的问题，虽然男生和大家一样渴望知道，所以才抛出同学的案例，抛出他的感受、疑虑和探索。

被男生的分享感染，原本没打算说话的自己，在主讲回应之后也举手发言了。我说，“你的分享让人感动。感谢你在同学需要的时候，坚持留在他身边， 哪怕他貌似在说不，但你听到了他内心的呼喊，选择了陪伴。我听见你多次、反复提到一个词， 那就是，Awareness - 觉知！这太重要太重要了！是觉知，让你一次一次来到他的身边，让你连接到他的需要；是觉知，让他唤醒并启动自己内在的力量，最终，带来这么大的不同！

”男生坐在右前方，我的话让他微微侧过了身体，看着他还略带稚气的脸，我说，“当你对十多分钟说边界Boundary表示不解，我听出了你有些焦急有些挫败感，对吗？ 因为你看到同学在受苦，你想做点什么，想给他力量，而不是束手无策。对吗？边界Boundary之所以在这里被关注和探讨，是因为它保护自己也保护别人的确非常重要，而且理解和实践起来还很不容易。但具体到你讲述的例子，我完全理解并欣赏你侧重的角度 - 能做什么？而不是不能做这个不能做那个。人类的本性天生就怜悯同情，哪怕对陌生人都会物伤其类，见到不幸就想帮助缓解。当我们听从本性内心而行动，当更多的人都这样做，其实就是在自觉提升Awareness - 觉知，而Awareness - 觉知正是创建一个健康社区最最关键的奠基石。

说到这里，我掏出随身带着的ALGEE小熊卡片扬了扬，继续说道，“大家知道吗？ 有一个叫做Mental Health First Aid（MHFA）精神健康急救培训的项目，是一个联邦拨款、国家级别、运作了好多年的项目，目标就是要推广精神健康意识 - increase Awareness，让它像First Aid、CPR一样家喻户晓。这个培训我参加了，在圣地亚哥，有现场的，也有线上的，培训怎么识别、理解、回应精神健康危急干预；相信全国各地都有机构提供培训，华裔社区也在做，中英文双语的，
非常好；培训结束给颁发证书。强烈推荐大家了解和参加。”

对自己一下说了这么多，我有些抱歉，但精神健康这个话题，话匣子打开就收不住。全场唯二非华裔，一个被我误以为是校长的男士和一位印度裔妈妈也紧接着发言了。男士自我介绍是业内人士，来自一家叫Ellie的精神健康诊所，他对推广提高精神健康意识increase Awareness的倡导十分认同，“就像人身体生病了就要求医问药一样，我们的精神也一定会有不舒服和犯病的时候，每个人都应该像懂得CPR一样，知道怎么识别、理解、回应精神健康问题！”

讲座的下半场由三位CCA校友与听众用问答形式对话，从高中、大学、家庭、生活各个维度探讨精神保健这一重要议题。三位学姐看样子跟高中生也差不多，幻灯片上的履历却很闪亮。CCA有多卷？这闪亮的名片是否让身心付出了过大的代价？ 身在其中的她们，可能如鱼在水中，浑然不觉。但走过了再回首，她们意识到，CCA的拼杀文化，放在全美范围，也是相当凸显的。就如以下学子们熟悉的校园梗，“你昨晚才睡了4小时吗？ 喔呦！我吧， 两小时不到！” 比的是谁更拼！
如果从头再选择，还要不要用这样的方式来“熬”过这四年？三位学姐都表示，不要！

Awareness的光照见了她们原本习以为常的重负：朋辈的竞争和压力；一代移民父母的期望、代际差异、文化冲突； 亚裔社区对精神健康的耻感污名化；以及青春期自我身份的认同和迷惘。。。今天，她们希望把Awareness带进来，照进更多的心灵里。她们的反思充满赤诚和睿智。比如，说到父母怎样做才最能支持青春期孩子？在感恩父母的爱之余，她们异口同声呼吁 - 了解，聆听，同在，但不要替我们解决问题，不要直接提供方案。

给我印象最深的是从MIT念完物理数学双学位，进入普林斯顿大学硕博连读的April，她的自我介绍的“趣事”下，好几处赫然写着，爱好 - 玩电子游戏；社团 - 某某游戏组织。而游戏，她坦言，不仅是她的乐趣，她的充电，也是她的一种身份认同，是她与他人及外界构建关系的有效路径，更是培养韧性、边界和身心健康平衡的资源和工具。

被问给学弟学妹的三条健康秘笈，April说，第一，相信无论情况多糟，都会过去的；第二，要找到跟他人、跟外界的连接；第三，不用等以后，现在开始，就要让自己幸福， 选择权就在自己手中。

The world is very forgiving 这个世界很宽容，我们终将与生活和解。April在回顾高中毕业后的起起落落带给她的感悟时，深情而坚定地说，眼里带着温润的光亮。

It takes a village to raise a child. 想起我最喜欢的一句谚语 - "一个孩子需要整个村庄来养育"! 其实，何止孩子需要。我们每一个人都需要一个村长，在那里我们理解、接纳、认同、关爱； 也被理解、被接纳、被认同，被关爱。在那里我们彼此善待、一起成长，共同创造。